For You

It's been almost a year since we met,
can you believe that?
A whole year since I sat at that dinner table, my skin still scorched and burning from the Thai sun.
A whole year since I looked up as you walked past me for the first time.

It was an entire year ago, but I remember. You didn't look at me. I think I stared at you.

You managed what few people do: you always surprised me. I underestimated you, I admit. I've found people to be easily categorized: jock, hippie traveler, ambitious rich kid. But you defied categorization. You liked sports and politics? You liked to drink and smoke and read feminist novels and write poetry?! You were an unending amount of seemingly opposite traits, neatly arranged into one extraordinary human.
To tell the truth, I still don't totally understand you. If we had more time, I would.

I was awed by how easy and perfect your life seemed. By how good you were at everything. I struggled to fit in; you found a way to charm every Thai person in seconds. Everything came naturally to you: sports, languages, teaching. My underlying competitive nature surfaced quickly: I knew I had to keep up with you.

Do you know how many times
I wished I could peer inside your brain,
or listen to your thoughts?
I cracked through your exterior once, I think.
At dinner. Do you remember?

So many people talk about themselves; there's no mystery left.
You talked, yes, but rarely about what really mattered to me. Rarely about the true you,
your fears and desires and dreams.
I felt silly pelting you with questions, but I had to know.
who are you, really?

I think I know. Maybe, some things.
I like the you that I know.

And you know me, and me writes, even if no one reads it. I write because it's the only way I can understand myself, and I can thank you.
Thank you
for making me laugh so, so much.
Thank you
for being a truly good friend to me when I was very alone.
Thank you
for making me happy where I was, and stop wishing I was somewhere else.

And thank you
for stopping while I pet the stray cats,
for not giving me shit about being vegan,
for always being the one to talk to the cab driver,
and for letting me be the real me.