I'm fairly confident I dream more than the average human being. I have absolutely no way of proving that this is true, but I think if most people dreamt the way I do, everyone would talk about it.
I can't remember the last time I didn't dream at night. Not just one or two brief dreams, but long, torturous affairs that seem to last for hours. My dreams are bright and full of color. But what really makes them incredible is how much feeling they contain. Hours after I've woken up, I can still feel the dream's hold over me.
They're not usually scary, actually. 99% of my dreams are about want. There's always an element of longing in them. I'll be with a person I haven't seen in ages and I really miss, but they always have to leave too soon. Or I'm back somewhere I really loved, like England and New York, or back with my friends at college.
Most likely, the dreams are an outlet for the emotions I don't feel during the day. I'm lightly medicated for anxiety, and have been for over 3 years. These meds numb my otherwise raging emotions. I used to cry all the time, but now, only three things make me cry: films, books, and songs. Rarely ever real-life situations. I'm a much happier and calmer person overall, but perhaps my emotions are still there, under the surface. At night, when my subconscious takes over, they sneak back in. I feel like old Erin-- suffocating under a wet blanket of feeling and wanting.
It's ok though. During waking hours, I am (mostly) peaceful, so the nightly films behind my eyelids don't really bother me. It's just another weird part of this life.
Erin
