I had quite a startling realisation today. I was staring down at my feet, actually, clad in worn Birkenstock sandals. They look terrible. I genuinely don't think my feet have ever looked this bad. Last week I ripped half the nail off of my left big toe while swimming. It still bleeds a little when the jagged edge pokes into the tender skin. My right foot is an even worse mess. Yesterday while biking home from school in the rain, I squeezed the brake with one hand while the other balanced an umbrella. Bad idea: the lopsided brake pressure sent my bike into a skid and I crashed and slid along the gravel. The top layer of my ankle skin is probably still there on the road, because it isn't on my foot any longer. Now it just oozes pus, and bugs have a fondness for landing there when I take the bandage off. It's horribly disgusting.
Anyway, I was staring at my pathetic feet, scratching absently at one of the hundreds of bug bites on my legs, when I realised: Thailand is like summer camp. Like, scarily similar to the two summers I spent as a camp counselor at Black Rock Retreat. Here's why!
1. I don't give a shit about my appearance.
I straightened my hair nearly every day at home, but here it's useless. The second I step outside my hair curls into a fuzzball of blonde puffiness. Probably a result of the 80% humidity. It's always tied up. I should have saved space and not even brought my straightener. Makeup is a joke. I'm sweating too much to keep it intact for more than a few minutes. The most I wear is a dash of mascara for school. As for clothes, I basically wear the same three most light-weight things I own. I haven't touched half of the clothes I brought because I'd die of heat stroke in them.
My town is very small and very rarely gets tourists, so it's quite authentically Thai, which means it's rather conservative. I wouldn't wear short dresses or shorts here without getting a few stares. I'm thankful I thought to bring longer shorts and modest shirts, because I don't want to stand out more than I already do. At summer camp, modesty was more than the norm, it was the rule. Here, it serves a practical purpose: the less skin exposed, the fewer bug bites one receives! So all factors combined, I've never been less fashionable (or generally attractive) in my life. My Thai neighbours seem to agree that Crocs are perfectly stylish footwear, and matching clothes are optional. I love it. I just throw on whatever doesn't smell and walk out the door. I haven't been this apathetic about my appearance since BRR summer of 2010!
2. Discomfort.
The last time I was generally always physically uncomfortable in some way was at camp. This isn't a bad thing, really, and I've learned to live with it. I just mean that the last time I wasn't either sweaty, itchy, tired, or hungry was the day I boarded the plane to Thailand. At home, I was always comfortable. Too comfortable, probably. I was only sweaty if I exercised. One bug bite would infuriate me. If I was hungry, I could instantly find food. In Thailand, like at summer camp, my body "suffers" all the time. Not in big ways, just in little ways that could really bother me if I let them, but I've learned to ignore them. Yes, I am always sweaty and it's gross. Yes, I am always itchy. Yes, my hair looks terrible, and yes, I'm always hungry and I can't just walk to the fridge and get something. I can't hop in my air-conditioned car and cruise to the store: I've got to petal there in the heat. Not my favorite activity.
This is why it's ok: I am giving up my privileged, first-world comfort for the experience of Thailand. The true, authentic, non-hotel experience. At camp, my body became my last priority because I was too busy to care about it. I was in a place where it didn't matter if I had great eyeliner or cute clothes. Thailand is the same.
4. And finally, the biggest similarity: The kids
Since my last summer at camp in 2010, I have had very limited interaction with children. I existed in mostly two places, Messiah and the Brasserie. Neither college campuses nor bars are exactly kid friendly places, so I've been surrounded exclusively by people my age and older. Being back with children is hard, honestly. I've forgotten how to "be". I've forgotten how much work it is to constantly watch what I say, to always have a smile, and to have endless patience. It's coming back to me, slowly. I am not naturally a "kid person", so it's difficult for me. Some people are so effortlessly natural around them, but I am not. I feel that same weariness at the end of the day that I only felt as a camp counsellor. It's different than the end of a bar shift. Equal, but different. It feels like I've been on stage all day. An eight-hour production. Kids are exhausting in a very unique way.
But when my young students hug me after class, or my high-schoolers finally understand the topic they've been struggling to learn, I think it's worth it.
Summer camp and Thailand were and is a sacrifice. In both instances, the money is poor, the terrain wild, and the demand high. But I think I emerged a better person after my time at Black Rock, and I hope the same can be said about Thailand.
Erin
No comments:
Post a Comment